Adel Faber & Elain Mazlish: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk

Review: How to Talk has been in print for 30 years. My copy, printed in 1999, says it's in it's 20th edition. I remember my mother reading it and talking to me about it as she read it. Because parenting is more than intuitive I'm all for these types of books. Now, I'm not sure where I sit on the punishment issue. This book is anti-punitive. That's fine. I am anti bribery, which the opposite extreme of parents who spank or take away stuff. This book is anti-bribery. Great! Anyhow, I like this book. It teaches communication skills that are valuable no matter who you're speaking to. More importantly it encourages the reader to practice by role playing, by writing out lessons, and by having key concepts posted everywhere. Really the authors are attempting to make empathetic speaking and listening come naturally to angry control freak parents. It's a cultural revolution.

Take Home Lesson:

1. My children will talk to me/others the way I talk to them.
2. I need to give my children more physical space and stop mauling them with hugs and kisses.
3. The easy part is listening. Figuring out what to do next takes a lot of work.

Leonard Sax M.D. Ph.D.: Why Gender Matters, What parents and teachers need to know about the emerging science of sex differences.

Review: This book is basically a 250 page advertisement for gender segregated schools. I am convinced. Reading one book does not an expect make, still I do have a son. He truly is a different beast from my daughter. Occasionally I find myself looking at him and thinking - You. Are. An. Alien. (My husband too). It could be personality or birth order that makes raising him different, but really I suspect it's because he's a boy. I read this book to help me understand him better, so that I can help him succeed in his is life pursuits. Incidentally, this book has been more helpful for my relationship with my daughter. There are better tips in the girl sections. It has convinced me to be more gentle with her, and less indulgent with him. The book has taught me to be less afraid of the word feminine, to be able to define what it means to be a man or a woman without feeling guilty that they are not the same. I suspect when my children are older (in their 10's) I'll have to reread this book. It's a valuable resources.

What I want to Remember:

1. Boys are less risk adverse. Danger is thrilling. Instead of saying if you run in the road you might get hit by a car, just say don't run in the road.
2. Boys don't hear as well as girls. If he isn't following your instructions try talking louder. Try 'yelling'.
3. If he's having trouble sitting still in kindergarten he might not be developmentally ready to sit still. It might not be ADHD. Get lots of opinions. Don't be afraid to hold him back until he is ready for school. This is crucial to his feelings about school and his feelings about academic success.
4. Because girls and boys have different brains (they see and hear different, and solve problems with different parts of their brains) they need to be taught differently. If she says I suck at math, then try a different approach. If he says reading is boring, he might need reading material geared to his interests. [Review how male and female students learn math best]
5. In high school: Male teachers teaching science or math classes may inadvertently discourage their female students by talking too loud or seeming to be unsympathetic or by being unable to modify their lessons to suit female strengths. Female teachers teaching languages or humanities might alienate their male students by talking too quietly, by being too friendly, or by talking too much about feelings instead of facts.
6. Dating is important for boys. Because of the way boys make and keep friends it is important for their future emotional health that they learn how to be friends with girls. We need to teach our girls to set their personal value high so that boys can't take advantage of them*. That is if boys want sexual intimacy they must also offer emotional intimacy. NCMO victimizes girls now, and bankrupts boys later. (*ummm, is it really only up to a young girl to say "No"? Boys need to be taught some responsibility too. Also feelings of self worth are negatively impacted by social aggression among girls. Leonard Sax recommends sports where appearance doesn't matter to help build selfworth among girls)
7. Boys need a socially approriate outlet for their aggression, especially boys who are not naturually athletic. If your boy doesn't make the team, be sure to provide him with a physically rigourous activity.
8. Make sure your son has a positive male role model. More than one, or even a group of men would be great. And make sure he has 'man' time.
9. Make sure your daughter has a positive female role model. More than on, or even a group of women would be great. And make sure she has 'woman' time.

http://www.whygendermatters.com/

Like most avowedly alternative cultural movements, alt comedy was also an expression of snobbery.

Kelefa Sanneh, "Funny Person", New Yorker, November 1, 2010, 64.

Joanne Harris: Runemarks

One Word Summary: Chaos is necessary
Critique: I liked how Harris played with words. I liked learning about Odin and his crew, there aren't enough stories featuring Norse gods. I liked the maps at the beginning of the book. Who wouldn't? The plot is intricate, I expect she was pulling her hair out in parts. Harris must have had fun writing her characters. The goblins reminded me of Terry Pratchet's Mac Feegles. On the whole I smiled through this engaging book.
Rate: 3 oracles
Teaser Synopsis: In a world where order rules and anything magical is stamped out Maddy Smith is proud of her glamour. With the dubious help of her only friend and mentor, One Eye, she learns the old stories about the old gods. This story begins on a typical Monday morning 500 years after the end of the world (Ragnarok) when she unwittingly opens the door to the world below; where the adventure of a lifetime awaits.


Spoiler Synopsis: One Eye instructs Maddy to travel into the tunnels beneath Red Horse Hill to find a tool he desperately needs to save the world. He doesn't tell her what it is. He also refuses to accompany her because his old enemy is likely guarding the thing. Maddy is courageous. She forces a goblin to guide her. When she's good and lost and hungry and powerless, the goblin deserts her. But she does find the thing trapped in some sort of geyser. It's like a quartz volley ball. Almost immediately she meets a young man, who appears unmagical and has a plausible story for also being lost in world below. (Wow... this is getting LONG) Maddy decides to trust him, despite One Eye's warnings to trust no one. And that really begs the question: is One Eye trustworthy? Later she learns her mistake. It turns out the young man is Loki and he is One Eye's not-dead-after-all enemy. Anyhow, because her glamour is so powerful she's able to free the thing from the geyser. It turns out the thing is an Oracle. And the Oracle sees a battle looming with the fate of the world hanging in the balance. Which, I guess means, Ragnorak was not the end of the world after all. Alright so... meanwhile Maddy's archenemy (some sniveling unimaginative mortal boy) alerts the authorities that peculiar things are happening at Red Horse Hill. The Parson, an ambitious member of the Order (a fanatical hegemonic group with religious undertones determined to stamp out chaos), with the help of a conveniently near junior magistrate lays siege to the Hill. I can't remember all the details but the Order capture One Eye (who turns out to be Odin). Maddy inadvertently wakens the the wife of Njord (a huntress) who is one of the seven sleepers (AKA: the Vanir who survived the end of the world). The Huntress Goddess wants Loki dead. While she's confronting Maddy, who has hidden the oracle behind some ice, Loki falls from the ceiling. He saves himself by claiming to be in alliance with Odin and to have possession of the oracle. They all go to rescue Odin from the Order. Meanwhile the junior magistrate is preparing to enter Odin's mind and steal everything he knows. The Parson interferes with the inquisition. The magistrate dies. Odin escapes. The Parson hears a voice in his head. Ummm, and then I can't remember why but The Huntress forms an alliance with the Parson. Odin goes somewhere. Maddy and Loki decided to travel to the Underworld to fetch reinforcements, first they pick up the oracle hidden behind some ice in where the Vanir are sleeping. The Huntress returns to the mountains. The other Vanir wake up. She wants them to join with the order against Odin. They are all undecided. They go to meet Odin. The Huntress kill Freya and frame Odin. The Parson's wife gets in the way. Freya isn't killed. Odin goes somewhere again. The other Vanir decide against the Order. The Huntress is spitting mad. Odin has gone to Red Horse Hill. The Huntress and the Parson are chasing him. The Parson's wife her secret admirer and his pig follow them. And the other Vanir take up the rear. Loki and Maddy make a deal with Hel to enter the underworld (the place where the dead Aesir are trapped in eternal torment). The must leave there bodies behind.... really you should just read the book.

Question:
Am I overly sensitive or was there an anti christian agenda in this book?

Alfred A Knoph 2008

Kristin Harmel: After

One Word Summary: Kate's Club

Synopsis: Lacey's father is dead. He was a great dad. One year later she's relishes the opportunity to help other kids who've lost a parent too soon. Turns out there's a lot of kids grieving.

Review: Is is heinous to criticize a story about a girl who's father/mother/sibling dies? In short this novel was okay, but not particularly memorable. I liked that Kristin Harmel included other ways a child can loose a parent. I liked the shifting dynamics of a family coping with loss, and the depiction of the other two families as well.

Rate: 2 rainbows

Other Books:

The Truth About Forever, by Sarah Dessin
That one with the girl who gives a boy a leprechaun hat. She dies tragically and he leaves it in her coffin. She's the friend of the girl who's mother dies.
The one with the girl who learns to surf. She's from New Jersey.

Delacort Press 2010

Nicolas Drayson: A Guide to the Birds of East Africa

One Word Summary: Jack is local
Review: Bravo, Mr Drayson. I felt like you were my best friend sharing an incredible tale with me over a cup of tea in the garden. I loved this book first for the title, and next for your flare for understatment. You kept me interested for more than 8 hours! I loved the whole thing. It was tangental, hilarious, and humane all wrapped up in 202 pages. Bravo.

Synopsis: Malik, a short round balding brown man, enters an impossible wager at his gentleman club to win the right to ask Rose Mbikwa to the annual hunt ball. The story is about this diminutive man greatness, with a lot of bird watching.

Rate: 5 Red Bishops

(Note this novel is higly quoteable. It's worth having a copy to keep forever!)

Houghton Mifflin, 2008

Georgette Heyer: Regency Buck

One Word Summary: Guardian Shmardian
Review: The covers of these novels usually say something like: Sparkling. I heartily agree.
I like Georgette Heyer. This is one of my favourites. The ending is a little havey cavey, but still it's an enjoyable romp.
Synopsis: Miss Judith Taverner travels to London for the season against her guardians wishes. A guardian she's never met and who can't take the trouble to notice her. On the way to London she's insulted by an arrogant gentleman with magnificent greys. She later discovers that it was her Guardian, The Fifth Earl of Worth, who stole her kisses. She spends the entire season at loggerheads with him. And someone is trying to kill her brother! Could it be the Earl?
Rate: 3 snuff boxes

More Words: While I was in the Heyer section at the library I also picked up Helen. It takes place in England, 1895-1925 ish. I liked it at first, but my initial good impression couldn't outlast Helen's constantly saying, "I don't know what love means. I haven't grown up yet" (at the age of 23? Really?). Her friends explaining herself to herself for the edification of the reader was also a dead bore. Heyer's philosphizing about Truth and Psychology did drone on a bit as well. More than all that, however, I found Heyer's feminism alarming. It's undercurrents of misogynism alarm me. I don't know if these were her personal ideas or the ideas of the class she was writing about, but I didn't like it at all. I noticed the same tone in her other 'modern' stories. I'm sure it's rampant throughout her regencies only I'm inured to all the inequality of that period. Really I don't mind if she's a snob. She's English after all. But I don't like to think she despised her own gender.