Helen Halstead: Mr. Darcy Presents His Bride

One Word Summary: Blase

Review: Mr. Darcy stomps around in his big boots scowling at anyone who looks at his wife wrong. And if he's not doing that he's delivering smouldering looks to Elizabeth. He never says anything truly intelligent through the whole book. In fact the reader is made to suffer while he repeats himself. He has two lines- "Don't look at my wife that way" & "Elizabeth I love you to distraction". He does of course laugh and smile now that he's married to dear Lizzie, but that's to her credit. The whole book is a tribute to her wit and charm. Only book itself is not witty or charming. On the upside Wickham dies in an asylum. Syphilis, who'd have guessed.

Synopsis: Elizabeth navigates the shoals London Society after her marriage. She takes the Ton by storm. Her younger sister, Kitty, becomes interesting.

Rate: 2 fairytale matches

Jane Austen: Persuasion

One Word Summary: looking at her hands
More Words: This might not be Austen's finest story, but I still like it and the writing is very good. I wish Cousin Elliot didn't have to be vilified to be rejected. It doesn't do much for Anne's credit to be admired by no one but a scoundrel (not including all the other eligble males: the country bumpkin, or the unfaithful sailor). Furthermore, it is rather convenient if a little odd that Captain Bentwick would choose Miss Louisa Musgrove instead of Anne (or at all).

Anyhow, I only picked up this novel because I read half of Pride Predjudice and Zombies (along with my favourite parts of Pride and Predjudice), and hated it. Yes it was silly, outrageous, and violent, but Austen's witty phrasing didn't always survive the meat grinder. Really only the fight scenes (with Darcy and Lady Catherine) and the study questions were any good. Oh, and that one line where Charlotte prefers Darcy over his cousin because his head, and therefore his brain, is bigger. That line is funny. Seth Grahme-Smith is welcome to his royalties, I'll stick with the original stuff. To get the whole zombie brain drain out of my system I read a little from Sense and Sensability too.

Jane Austen and Another Lady: Sanditon

One Word Summary: Let's talk about the weather
More Words: I like this story. It's a little ridiculous, and a lot of fun.
Storyline: Charlotte Heywood is invited to visit the budding seaside resort town of Sanditon. There she meets a full cast of thoroughly self-absorbed selfish characters whom* she likes to observe with just a touch of bias. Charlotte herself is all politeness and decorum until she falls insensibly love with Sydney Parker who embroils her someone else's romance.

*the objective case of who... what the heck does that mean?