Carey Wallace: The Blind Contessa's New Machine

One Word Summary: "Would you tell me theses things if I were not blind?" (or something like that)

Synopsis: A young girl grows up in a summer cottage near a man made lake on her father's property (she does sometimes sleep in her family's house). She befriends an eccentric and already married inventor. She notices she's going blind. She observes her condition scientifically. She marries a handsome playboy. She begins a 'passionate' affair with her neighbour the inventor. They are caught. Her husband removes her to the city. Upon her death she returns the typewriter to her former lover.

Recommendation: This book would be great for a group. There's a lot to discuss. And it's all interesting. For a small book it's pretty complicated. Carolina has a rich fantasy life, my eyes mostly glazed over during these passages but I didn't fail to notice the coldness darkness mingled with the warmth and beauty she created. I especially like how the story just ended, it felt like having one of my senses cut off.

Rate: Three Lemon Trees

Holly Peterson: The Manny

One Word Summary: perjure

Synopsis: Jaime hires a man to babysit her son and provide a good male role model for him. She's already out of love with her spoiled-rich-husband but she's not ready to jump ship until her entire life falls apart and the Manny comes to rescue her

Review: There are so many things morally wrong with this story, and one thing I don't really understand. At the end of the book Jaime makes a deal with her husband to lie in court about his underhanded deals if he agrees to maintain her in the style to which she's accustomed and divorce her on her own terms with no fuss. How can she avoid going to jail with him if he reneges and she has to reveal the documents she has under lock and key? How can she carry the moral high ground in this situation?

Rate: 2 white ermine muffs

Nicholas Sparks: Dear John

One Words Summary: Coins
Review: I don't know why I keep tasting this olive, but I do. I've been trying read The Life and Death of Charlie St. Cloud, and I think I know why I'm reluctant to commit. It reads like a Nicholas Sparks novel, they both have the same macho assure-ity (how do you spell that? It is a word right?) that likes to break complex things down. I'm thinking complex things like: Humanity, Love, The Meaning of Life. Insentive handling renders these complex things lifeless. Anyhow, I took this book to the beach and read it there. I like the unconventional conventional ending, it made me cry. Yes I am a sap.
Synopsis: Army dude rescues Christian goddess. He's self contained, she's perfect. They have an instant connection and make promises to each other that they eventually break. They manage to fight so reasonably before the inevitable occurs. He learns a valuable life lesson. And she learns to drink wine.

Rate: 2 tours of duty

Ben Sherwood: The Man Who Ate the 747

One Word Summary: The Greatest Love
Review: I liked this novel. It was hard stay interested at first, but then it grew on me. Although, quirky characters are getting a bit cliche. Still I liked it.
Synopsis: J.J. Smith learns that love is more than biological algebra. Turns out there's more to it than pheromones, facial symmetry, and vocal resonance.
Rate: 2 antacids

Bantam Book 2000

Anne Fortier: Juliet

One Word Summary: Siena
More Words: Wonderful. It's a little bit of a circus near the end. A charming circus. Obviously Anne Fortier and her Editor and her Agent and her Mother worked diligently to weave such an intricate plot. They did a fabulous job connecting Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet to 1340 Italy and incorporating both into a modern mystery. I loved the Author's Note. Although, it's still not clear to me what is fiction. I hate to mention the only thing I wish was better, because it'll take away from everything I did like, but here goes anyway. The romance. It seemed abrupt. Both parties accept rather quickly the reality of their former life (as The Romeo and The Juliet). I think even hopeless romantics might question their sanity before embracing a doomed reincarnated love. I wish there had been some otherworld signal to... I don't know to give a sort go ahead before they went ahead. Of course, there might not have been one on purpose, or I might have missed it. And Fortier did provide enough backstory to lend credibility to the romance. To end on a positive note, I really like the contradictory dynamics between the two sisters. This book is marvellous. Everyone should read it.

Rate: 3 maxed out credit cards

Other Books:
Never Let Me Go, by Joan Smith

Suzanne Collins: The Hunger Games

One Word Summary: Reality TV used for evil

More Words: The writing is sparse. The story is thrilling. I read about this series in the New Yorker, and then a friend recommended it to me. Thank you M. Stewart. I liked THG, but sometimes I wonder why the reader is expected to accept information, because Katniss does, with no explanation. For example, I'm not entirely sure what makes the capitol a bad place- okay the people are frivilous and shallow, the wealth is unequally distributed, the Hunger Game is insane, the President has mean eyes, the government is totalitarian (AKA: the dystopic boogeyman) and there's some mystery about the Avoxes, but I'm still don't feel chilled. However I do like the spin on reality T.V. and I will read the next two books.

Synopsis: Each year one boy and one girl from each of the 12 districts on Panem (what used to be the USofA) are chosen by lottery to participate in The Hunger Games. A televised gladiator contest everyone is forced to watch. This year Katniss will be the female tribute. She has some terrible choices to make about love and survival and she must walk a subtle line between crowd pleasing and treason.

Lauren Barnholdt: One Night that Changes Everything

One Word Summary: Cheetos
More Words: I read a review that basically said there was no character development or growth and that the plot was banal. It ruined my ability to just enjoy the ride. One Night is a little questionable, but mostly I felt a robbed. There just wasn't enough romance. Anyhow, I liked Two Way Street, so LaLaLa. I refuse to read any reviews in case they ruin that story too.
Synopsis: A girl keeps a journal of all the things she wishes she had the courage to do. The girl's ex-boyfriend his friends steal her journal and threaten to publish it on-line if she doesn't take their dares. The dares, of course, come straight from the journal. It's fun. Just don't wonder why teenage boys would care to help a girl step out of her comfort zone. And don't wonder too much about the ex-boy friend.
Rate: 2 bikinis



One Word Summary: Hotel
More Words: I didn't need a review to help me along with my opinion this time. I didn't like the book, and I have no reason. I like the idea, I like the moral ending, I like the playa getting played, I like the new quirky best friend, I like the supportive sister, I like the ipod playlist, I like the romance... but I didn't like the book.
Dumb Question: What is three coats of mascara? Is it three applications to the upper lashes? or is it applying one coat on the bottom of the upper lashes, one coat on the top of the upper lashes and then one coat on the top of the lower lashes?
Synopsis: An underage math genius is roped into playing poker to earn a lot of money for college.
Rate: 2 Sweatshirts

One Word Summary: Liar
Synopsis: Devon is a liar. She tells a lot of lies. She says she's sorry and people forgive her.

Sharon Shinn: Angelica

One Word Summary: Angels
More Words: This is the fourth book in the Samaria Series. I haven't read the others. This one is great. The alien culture is diverse, the story is interesting, the characters are solid, and there's just enough parallelism to our reality to give a person ideas to chew on.
Synopsis: An unknown enemy is annihilating isolated communities in Samaria (a continent on a planet colonized by humans who've forsaken most technology and have adopted a peace loving theocracy). While the government struggles to protect the population, the Archangel-elect is trying to manage his domestic issues. He has one rebellious younger sister, and one fiancee who is still in love with a former partner, and a host of angels to manage. Basically he's trying to save the world and everyone in it all alone.
Rate: 3 arias

Penguin Putnam Inc., 2003

Rosina Lippi: The Pajama Girls of Lambert Square

One Word Summary: Dog Lover's Paradise

More Words: Why can't a conversation just be a conversation? For the most part I'm incapable of analyzing people's words while they're talking. I usually need a few days to figure out what their word choice, inflection, and tone really meant (and what I should have said). If this novel reflects reality then other people must be more interesting/intelligent/crazy than me. Also Julia and Dodge rushed to conclusions, which is boring. I like a good tension filled courtship. I couldn't finish the last 20 pages; but I did like the expensive bedding.

Synopsis: A Claustrophobic and an Agoraphobic fall in love and then learn how to live with each other.

TSPMNL: Sex
Rate: 2 pillows

G.P. Putnam's Sons 2008

Nicholas Sparks: A Bend in the Road

One Word Summary: Love conquers all

More Words: Sparks is a popular author. A lot of his work has been sold to Hollywood. He writes romances. Some scenes are incredibly romantic only his characters are a little too understanding/reasonable/mature and therefore not fully formed. Mr. Sparks also likes to hand hold his audience through really simple plot lines, not that the explanatory information is useless. This novel was typical of his work, good enough to finish but not enough to remember. To be more clear, I’m not a fan but I have to keep tasting the olive. Stories that take less than two hours to read are irresistible. My hugest criticism, of course, is the glamour shots. Every Nicolas Sparks book features a huge glamour shot of him- all different except for his prominent bicep. The library inevitably covers his face with bar codes and stickers which warrants an bark from me. In one of his acknowledgements he even thanked his photographer. Maybe he was having a joke on himself. It was a joke? I laughed. Anyhow Nick- spend more time writing and less time primping!

Plot Summary: Sara Andrews (not my friend) moves to a small town in N.C. after her divorce, where she meets widower Miles the deputy sheriff. They fall in love. There’s trouble in paradise after Miles learns important information about his wife’s death two years earlier. And Sara has her own struggles too.

Connie Willis: To Say Nothing of the Dog

One Word Summary: Redundancy

More Words: You know that dizzy feeling you get when you watch "His Girl Friday" or "Bringing up Baby"? This book is funny and zany in the same way. If you're old, like me, read this in small doses. Otherwise it's marvellous.

Plot Summary: Someone brought something back through time. It's an anomaly. It's supposed to be impossible. It could ruin the universe as we know it. Ned Henry is sent to correct the problem, only he's time-lagged and has no idea what he's doing in Victorian England. Luckily he has a Naiad to help. These are their misadventures trying to save the day.

Questions:
Why do time travel novels inevitably deal with fate and destiny?

Why is everyone so down on the Victorians?

Why don't I like mystery novels?

Other Books:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe by Douglas Adams

Audrey Neffenegger: The Time Travellers Wife

One Word Summary: Streakers demystified.
More Words: An alternative title for this book could be Hip & Avant Garde in the Early '90s for dummies. Seriously, it's practically a how to manual, complete with a play list, a reading list, a menu, a dress code,and a 'garden variety Marxist' ideology. Unfortunately my IQ is barely above average, I don't know any German (except Die Bart! Die), I never read poetry, and I was pathetic in high school. So, yeah, aside from the Love Story and the Time Travelling this book is really about a bunch of upper middle class kids being ironic... er... cliche... er... down on the man. I really liked it when Mrs. Kim prepared 'some sort of casserole with corn flakes', because up until then no one ate anything I would ever touch. Alright, so those are all my gripes. And guess what? I liked this book. I like that Neffenegger thanked the tax payers of Chicago for making it possible for her to write this book. I wonder how long she spent thinking and researching and writing. I've spent days thinking about this book.

Censorship: There is a lot of foul language. There is a lot of drug and alcohol use. There is a lot of sex. Around the time I was thinking: "Hey these kids are having a lot of sex", Clare said "You know, sometimes I can't even sit down". I'm not excited for my daughter to read this until she's in college. I'm not really excited to have a sit down lesson on sexual terminology. And really I'd prefer she look higher for ideas.
Quotes:

I can't believe I'm feeling jealous of a multimillionaire rock star geezer
old enough to be Clare's dad. p64

Running is many things to me, survival, calmness, euphoria, solitude. It is
proof of my corporeal existence, my ability to control my movement through space
if not time, and the obedience, however temporary of my body to my will.
p154

But you make me happy. It's living up to being happy that's the difficult
part.

Questions:

• What came first, the chicken or the egg?
• When did Clare choose Henry?
• Is it fair for Henry to tell Clare that he's coming back?
• What if Henry didn't exist?
• Why does Clare draw a self portrait as her first foray back into Art?
• What was the purpose of the interlude with the baby punks?
• What is The Chronicles of Nawat Wuzzer Hyderbed? Why does the author refer to it 3x?
• Is ignorance bliss?
• Do you believe in choice? Fate? Time Travel?
• The book group questions at the back of the book probe a little into Gender Issues and Roles. Why? Is there some sort of higher meaning coded into the fact that Henry is very Masculine AND likes to cook? Am I missing something about the nature of romantic love?
• If Clare is a Kitten, what animal is Henry? How about Gomez?
• Do you think their precocious daughter, what her name, is annoying too?

List:

• Homer's Odyssey
• Tristan and Iseult
• Selkie Folklore
• Marie de France
• E Aquitaine

Shanna Swendson's next three books

One Word Summary: Cute

More Words: I had to read the next three books. So I did. I know that makes me a sucker, but so are 300 million other people in America. And I don't mind, because I like formulas. I wish real life could be so nice.

Quote from Damsel Under Stress:

Why was it you could only get a fairy god mother to help you snag Prince Charming with a glass slipper? Where was the benevolent soul who provided the killer presentation, the perfect thing to say to the office backstabber, and the fabulous Armani suit to wear to the crucial meeting.

Shanna Swendson: Enchanted Inc.

One Word Summary: Blush

More Words: My friend M Bradford recommended this book a reeeally long time ago. Incidentally her husband is a patent lawyer. Well, I've finally read it. In one sitting. It was cute and fresh and above all clean (if you ignore the more subtle phrases). I liked it. It's not genius. It's not unpredictable. It's not an MBA textbook. For this kind of book, a romance, it's about the journey.

Plot Summary: Katie Chandler is perfectly ordinary girl struggling to make it in NYC. Being ordinary is not so great for her career or her love life. But Katie's ordinariness is just what the magical community needs to save the world. Now if Owen could be interested in a little common sense.

Did you know: This is a series. Swendon has a blog. There might be a movie. http://www.shannaswendson.com/enchantedseries.html

Quotes: A girl just couldn't face a magical battle without her lipstick

Three pre-teen books you can read in a day

How to Take the Ex Out of Ex Boyfriend, by Janette Rallison- Girl dumps her boyfriend in a fit of petty temper, and spends the next week trying to entice him back. This book is funny.

Slept Away by Julie Kraut- NYC city girl is forced to attend summer camp, where she learns the meaning of friendship. This book has fast paced language similar to Megan McCafferty cynical genius (errrr, I'm not saying J. Kraut plagiarized anything)

The Boyfriend Game by Stephanie Davis- Soccer girl discovers boys, and learns a little about being a friend.

Robin Palmer: Cindy Ella

One Word Summary: My therapist says...
More Words: I'm not proud of having read this book in the least. I didn't like it at all, except that it made laugh a little and sometimes the dialogue was fluid. The main character was extremely self absorbed, she kind of reminded me of Candice Cameron's best friend in Full House. You know annoying. I think Palmer was going for quirky and intelligent, like a Meg Ryan typecast. But she did do a good job with her Romantic Interest. He's handsome and kind and athletic and popular and a touch shy and vague enough to satisfy anyone's dreamboy.
Plot Summary: A few weeks before Prom Cindy Ella writes a letter to the editor of her school newspaper stating emphatically that prom is a waste of time blah blah blah. She's already uncool, but now she's even more uncool. Anyhow... the letter is somehow the catalyst for her romance with out-of-her-league Adam. Actually it's probably just the excuse for writing a book.

MORE BOOKS IM NOT PROUD OF
Barry Jonsberg: Am I right or Am I right.
One Word Summary: Too Much Unnecessary Detail
More Words: It was funny enough, but only because the jokes had nothing to do with the story. Again, the narrator was annoying... so annoying that even my curiosity couldn't compel me to finish skimming this novel. And the notes to Fridge reminded me of Feeling Sorry for Celia by Jaclyn Moriarty, which I did like. I kept thinking, it must be an Australian thing. To end on a positive note I did like the instructions on how to write a poem in less than two minutes.
Plot Summary: I didn't read enough to actually know what happened, but I think Fridge (AKA: Mom) gets involved with an abusive man who is also the father of the BestFriend. Don't worry the Abusive man gets told off. Meanwhile, absentee Dad shows up to talk and there's a
Cute boy. Maybe they go on a date. Cute boy and Narrating Voice, I mean.
Instructions on how to write a poem:

Let's get rid of some misconceptions. Misconception number one: poetry has to rhyme. Wrong. Rhyming poetry is actually very old-fashioned (as well as a pain in the arse to write) and we are modern, up-to-date wordsmiths here. Misconception number two: rhythm is important. Wrong, wrong. Modern poetry relies upon the rhythm of the street, the natual cadences of the spoken language (memorize that and repeat it to any teacher who challnges you). Misconception number three: poetry has to make sense. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Let's be honest. How many proper poems have you read where you've known what the hell was going on? Few, if any, I'll bet. And the same appies to your teacher. He or she will read your poem and nod wisely. They can't admit they don't understand it. They're English teachers, after all. In the unlikely even they ask you to explain, recite the following: "It was my attempt to rationalize the dichotomy between personal emotions and the presures of modern-day living." That'll shut them up.

Okay. We don't need rhyme, rhythm, or meaning. The key is that it should look like a poem.

[and then it goes on for about another page or so]

Marianne Curley: Old Magic.
One Word Summary: Nothing at all
More Words: The idea was good, only the writing needed a lot more polishing. It was so rough draft-ish I thought I was reading the outline notes. I tried skipping to the end, only it confused me a little so I had to read the middle too.
Plot Summary: New boy is school has very strong magical powers, only he doesn't know it. Freaky Girl, Kate, senses his magic and figures out that he's cursed too. She helps him, they travel through time, they fall in love.

Richelle Mead: Frostbite.
One Word Summary: Love Conquers All
More Words: Are you ever curious about all those vampire love stories out there? This is one of them. It's number two in the Vampire Academy series. There's a prologue that gets you up to speed on the storyline if you've skipped the first book. I didn't read much beyond that. Think I might find book three and read it's prologue. And then if I'm really addicted book four.
Plot Summary: Unlicenced half-trained teenaged vampire bodyguard saves the world, yet again. And maybe kisses her badboy heart-throb (who is also her teacher, ewwww).

okay... I should admit that I feel terrible for having nothing but unkind things to say about what I've read. I watched Ratatouille the other day, and I know it's easier to be a critic than a creator. So to all you would be writers: you've done what most people in the world wish they could do. Go You.

Suzanne Harper: The Juliet Club

One Word Summary: Besotted Grin

More words: I can't honestly say this book was spectacular, because it was over the top ridiculous. But, instead of cringing I found myself grinning like a love struck fool. None of the characters were the least bit boring -something you don't find in nature. Each one had their unique voice and idiosyncrasies, my favourite had to be Sylvia followed closely by Grandma. While the story was completely unrealistic it also felt genuine. I even learned something about Shakespear's writing, and something about Juliet. The author did wonderful research and clever thinking. I liked this book. It would be a pleasure to read more of Harper's work.

Plot Summary: Disenchanted with Romance Girl Next Door travels to Italy for a summer Shakespear seminar and falls in love, despite her seriousness and stiffness. In fact all the lead characters fall in love.

Quote:

"You're thinking of magnets," she corrected him. "Not people."

Ted Dekker: Blink of an Eye

One Word Summary: Precognition proves existence of God

More Words: I'm not having very much luck just pulling books off the shelf in the library. The only reason I finished this story was because I wondered where Dekker was going with his precognition thing. Anyhow here's the plot. Super Genius Suffer Dude foils an attempt to overthrow the Saudi Arabian government, maintains the status quo, and finds true love. Yep that's it. I bet the movie was better.

Quote:

The collective mind of America was headed down the toilet. At some point during the last twenty years, someone decided that intelligence wasn't such a hot commodity after all, and the rest of the country licked up that nonsense as though it were a melting vanilla cone on a hot day.

Charlotte Bronte: Jane Eyre

One Word Summary: My Master
More Words: This novel is a masterpiece. Books that are good enough to study should have study questions. So I've come up with a few questions to spend time thinking about.

Study Questions

• Why can't Jane live with Mr. Rochester as his mistress? And the parallel question, why does she offer to accompany Mr. Rivers to India as his secretary but not as his wife?
• How is Jane's love for Helen similar to her love for Mr. Rochester? What does she feel for Mr. Rivers?
• What makes Jane Eyre so different from Pride and Prejudice?
• How does Charlotte Bronte define good or bad in her characters?
• Is Jane really an elf/faerie? Who is she?
• What words were threaded throughout the text?
• Was the finale satisfying?
• Which do you think better, love in this world or glory in the world to come? Must a person give up one to achieve the other?

Quotes:

He made me love him without looking at me. p203

Alas the readers of our era are less favoured. But courage? I will not pause either to accuse or repine. I know poetry is not dead, nor genius lost; nor has Mammon gained power over either, to bind or slay; they will both assert their existence, their presence, their liberty and strength again on day. Powerful angels, safe in heaven! they smile when sordid souls triumph, and feeble ones weep over their destruction. Poetry destroyed! Genius banished! No! Mediocrity, no: do not let envy prompt you to the though. No; they not only live, but reign and redeem: and without their divine influence spread everywhere, you would be in hell - the hell of your own meaness. p427

This was very pleasant; there is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow-creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort. p284

Hush, Jane! you think to much of the love of human beings; you are too impulsive, to vehement: the sovereign Hand that created your frame, and put life into it, has provided you with other resources than your feeble self, or than other creatures feeble as you. Besides this earth, and besides the reace of men, there is an invisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for it is everywhere; and those spirits watch us, for they are commissioned to guard us, and if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorn smote us on all sides, and hatred crushed us, angles see our tortures, recognise our innocence (...) and God waits only the separation of spirit from flesh to crown us with a full reward. Why then, should we ever sink overwhelmed with destress, when life is so soon over, and death is so certain an entrance to happiness - to glory. p45